I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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