apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
