i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
