either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
