All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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