i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
