Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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