i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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