the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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