I think I died a long time ago.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
