Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i think i have two assholes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I didn't notice because vodka
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
