My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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