who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
