shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
