Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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