idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
