I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
