All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
