I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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