Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
