in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
