Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
