Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
