I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
