i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
