at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
