my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
