If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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