They should really pass out barf bags in church
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
