It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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