Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
