Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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