i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
