Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
