Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
