If i come over, it means nothing
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
