I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
