I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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