we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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