Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
