Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
