Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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