Nicole vs. Life
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
