what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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