never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
