are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
