I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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