Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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