i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
