I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
